NU-YEAR OR MMXI ?

In about 2 hours the NU - YEAR will begin...



Ill keep this short



Within the new year, we make these new goals, new promises, new changes, new everything! My thought is why? why wait so long! my thoughts and opinion is that we are told and believed that every day is a new day, which means that in a micro out look, every second is a new second, every minute is a new minute, every hour is a new hour and every day is a new day. then everyday should be a new year from a year ago! Meaning why wait till December 31st or January 1st to decide to change. Changes take time, most people cant cold turkey, especially cause with most seasons, its takes time to change.



Don't give yourself a reason to cause everyone is doing the same thing. Do it cause you want to do it, and it will benefit you and you will will feel good about it in the end, then it will have no choice to benefit others. you feel me?



I promised to keep this short so ending it:

• the word NU can be defined as used to express surprise, agreement, acquiescence, resignation. Within the next 365 days we tend to SURPRISE people with the new you from attitude look, etc. from the AGREEMENTS we made to our self. To obtain this, the ACQUIESCENCE we made within no mind evasion, you must be strong. Then lastly we must not acquire our RESIGNATION and stick through the rough times of our promises, because before it gets easy it will be rough.


• The word year can be defined as a period of time containing 365 days. the duration we give our self's to complete a task so we can feel as we don't fail which can be completed in less time! having room for more accomplishments.
• new - Not of long duration; having just come into being or been made or acquired or discovered.

So whether you have a "NU-YEAR" or "NEW YEAR" - Just make it worth it

Cliche quote: "A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of quote

Zues quote: We know that repetition may be the grandfather of time - but we must be the son to use the tools to learn so we can become a grandfather.

MERRY EX-MISS

***As I'm crying and typing away***



Merry X-mas every one... I'm posting this post up on Xmas but advertising it after... don't wanna hurt your brains on this day! even though i believe everyday is just one continuous days divided by measurements of the sun...



Anyway moving on...



Not Just on Christmas, but everyday I am very grateful for having a family that loves me, waking up under a roof above my head, a job, etc. This Christmas i am very sad because this Christmas is very different, I don't have a person to be excited with, no family, no physical love, whether a girlfriend or family, and one of the hardest days of the year i have to work this year! I have not felt this way since 2002 when i had my first Christmas without my father!



I try to express or explain to someone why i was feeling this way and that did not work out to well, they kept on telling me "stop being so sad" and "stop being all depressed on a day like this" - I ended up walking away cause people are ignorant. (I'm gonna explain) No matter the day nor the time, I am believed to have emotions and feelings, its nature! For some, human nature. So let me be sad, let me have a day of mope, a day of tears, a day to be sad for i don't do it all 365 days, just today and some after, but nothing of overwhelming thought! (Sheesh)



This Christmas I didn't need or want anything, or in a technical matter, nothing that can be given to me anyway by any individual! I'm just going to give to myself and continue writing, and publish my book! and some of the blogs in here as a reminder or to pass the knowledge on. Even if my book only sells one and that's cause I bought it (lol), I'll be ecstatic because it is a self accomplishment!



Getting back on track! The Break down

• The word MERRY can be defined as "Full of high-spirited gaiety; Jolly: Festive. I just thought about something, this is the only holiday with the word Merry. Why is that? is it because of the EXchanging of gifts? Does that make us materialistic that we need to designate a day for that? THINK ABOUT IT!
• The word EX can be defined as "without; not including; without the right to have. This Christmas I am allot without, girl, family, the physical, and in EXchange for my MERRY, i have a day of sadness.
• The word MISS can be defined as "to fail to hit, reach, attain, catch, meet, or otherwise make contact with. I MISSed my Christmas, joy, smile, ex, sleep, rest, family, friends because I am all without! Some temporary, some permanent, and some long durations!

You get it now? MERRY EX-MISS

Song Replaying in my head all day - "Betterman" by Musiq Soulchild

Cliche quote: "It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory"

Zues Quote: you can have a Blue cow to keep you grounded, but the recipe with a frowning bull is all about possession that determines taste

BI - IS

Bias - Verb; "Influence in an unfair way"


My Cousins (all 11 females) and I always have deep conversations about our life. Decomposing situations for a better understanding, to understand each detail, and build the situation back together to extract details which we subconsciously missed, then piece together for a better solution.


One of my cousins called me yesterday (who shall remain nameless) to get a guy's opinion
and to talk about her situation overall. I can't really describe the details of a situation for that is the privacy of her own but I can give a close enough broad understanding.

Pussy, emotions, and the mind always interfere and meld the wants, needs, temptations, what needs to be done, what you want to do, understanding, the do's, the dont's, the rights, the wrongs, and most of all complicate the comprehension of the most simplest things!

Some basic results to separate the 3 (the decomposing) is

1. Separation - this way you are not doing neither right nor wrong. your not doing what you want to do which can be a don't. Lastly, no settle attachment for what ever reason, the pussy, emotion or the mind!


2. Truth - Just tell the truth in all aspects in all in whom it concerns, including your self. You will be also fixated with he said she said, but you still have to conjure your own decision of truth.


3. Awareness - If the situation changes on the opposite end and not yours in a negative way, then fuck it and roll with it. Subconsciously, cause its not what you wont look at it like this but look at it as that person doing you a favor!

My cousin told me she values every thing I say cause I keep it real: I told her "you know why I keep it real? 'Cause I hate people who only side with me or think I'm right cause I'm their friend, the same sex, family, like me more, etc. Just keep it real and whether you take my opinion or not that's all up to you. At the end of the day you are still going to do exactly what you want anyway, whether good or bad, right or wrong. or the mixture of the two. No need to be bias, a waste of my breath and your time!" She said "Trueeee, and that's why i love you"

The reason why I call it BI - IS:

• The word "Bi" refers to having two; doubly, on both sides; in two ways or directions. For this reason, you have two sides to pick from and your own is not one of them. In choosing one, it will be a conscious decision, not that you have to make one, you can stay BI


• The word "Is" refers to Definite. Now in ending the word "BIAS", you are going to choose a side, its almost mandatory, but in being the outside in, you are able to be "BI", which side you "IS" going to shed opinion on will determine better judgment of oneself as well.

Cliche Quote: "Fortunately for serious minds, a bias recognized as a bias sterilized"

Zues Quote: We can not be defined being bi, but we can be defined by making a choice, but confuse our self and others when making choices.

Poor - Tray

portray - tr.v. por·trayed, por·tray·ing, por·trays
1. To depict or represent pictorially; make a picture of.
2. To depict or describe in words.
3. To represent dramatically, as on the stage. See Synonyms at represent.

Situations:

1. An associate of mines was going through a rough state in her life and she obviously been minimal on talking to people about her personal problems. I noticed being the well rounded and just asked "whats wrong?" and she refused to say. Reason being, "I don't need anyone to judge me because of my life and my struggles, so i will not tell anyone anything." - I told her " i will not judge you because to judge is to have as an opinion or assumption or even to make estimates of someones worth. I don't know what your going through, but your not the only one with a past to be underestimated with. I never regret but many things can be taken back and because of those incidents, it made me who i am today, don't let the past bury your future! I probably cant walk a mile in your shoes, but that does not take away understanding you any less".
2. Today i was depicted as a hoe. Do i blame them? No! Externally i am a friendly, extra flirtatious, compliment-ful person. I have more relations with females then men, (as the time an age permits, for vice-versa as well but not accepted by many) and have just as much connections and support from females then men, but would result to ask a female before a guy. Also, by default i learn more from females then males because (in all honesty) you not going to see a guy open up to another guy like that! men are to masculine to do so.

I am "Judged" because i "portray" myself the way i do! which is this guy who knows every female, goofy, a minimal intellect whose mind is subjected to cooking, the fraternity, and partying.

So combining the responses from above and many more prior. I am not what i seem to be when you get the chance to sit me down, refrain me from moving, and talk to me, my intellect super exceeds many. I am proclaimed by my peers to have a keen intellect for life, people, and the world. They seemed so shocked, so astounded, like a wonder of the world.

You will be surprised what you can learn when you stop and listen - concerning anything and anyone!

The break down of why i call it Poor Tray just in case you didn't get it just yet.

• The word Poor can be defined as "lacking in a specified resource". This will relate to the person passing judgement/assumptions over someone. With the "poor" knowledge of someone, we seem to make a standardized conclusion about that person.
• The word Tray can be defined as a "shallow flat receptacle for serving". This will relate to the person being judged. Breaking down the definition i can say that its not deep enough not to see , but flat enough to see whats in clear site. so as the person presenting them self in a general manner, this is what they serve the person to be judged on.

Now you get it? Portray = "poor - tray"

Cliche quote: "Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers"

Zues quote: Poor my knowledge, then you will be rich of material. Pour my knowledge, then will be rich of life.

Tear

TEARS
Now that it’s over
I shed a tear from the heart
Its hard to end it
And begin a new start
I have no wound
But I feel some pain
Knowing when I see you
I feel the same
Its not easy to change
Cause love you cant buy
I gave it my all
‘cause all I can do is just try
I continue to cry
But it doesn't show
It is like the rain
It comes and goes
Does not show in the face
The tear in my heart
As long as I pretend
We can only be friends

I wrote this for a friend back in 10th grade as he was going through his relationship problems. Being their mentally and physically was not easy for I endured and absorbed some of his pain but it always been second hand.

That brings me to my next point about me (life). I have endured many experiences and feelings through all the people I have encountered second handily... but now I have experiences of my own first hand even though I'm at ease about most of them because i know what comes next. it sure does not make my days go by any faster.

my feelings is like a whole roll of mentos in a well shaken Pepsi bottle... my feelings sometimes become very unpredictable for any and every situation. Just now i was washing dishes and starting tearing, I can be watching a cartoon and be in a moment of sadness. People ask if I'm depressed, no I'm not, I'm just a bottle of water in the freezer for to long!

I feel solely stupid for i brought myself to learn the best for me and others listening to R&B music -112, jagged edge, lil zane, donell jones, musiq soulchild, Jill scott, floetry, joe, beyonce, Alecia keys, etc. They all taught me what not to do, and what to do! but did i listen no!

Instead of being hated and respected - now i am hated and not respected - I always say i would die for my respect for i didn't have it growing up... just maybe, maybe i will have a slim chance to redeem myself...

cliche quote: musiq Soulchild said "What would it take to be In a love I know that's right for me And I know that you don't even know me yet But I believe that one day I'll be where you are"

Zues realization: emotion is the truth behind feeling - feeling is the truth behind your heart - your heart is the truth behind the truth - the truth is the truth behind freedom of mental and physical evasions to proceed in life as one should!

Judge the Victim

Everyone keep asking me continuously:

• Why you never personally talk about how you feel?
• Why don't you tell me who you are?
• Why don't I know much about you, internally?
• What does your life consist of?
• What do you believe in?
• Isn't shantell a girl name? (never sat to think to ask "why my name is shantell")

Ill answer the rest as we go through a quick history of my life and its mini details.

I was born on Jan. 2nd, 1986 around 730am. My beautiful mother is 100% Puerto Rican and my father is African American with a strand of Irish, about my 5th grandfather back married a half Irish woman. My mom did not want to name after my father (wasn't together), so as in the waiting room, this lady having twins at an early stage, the first twin died, and the second twin lived, and the babies name was Shantell (or however she spelt it) and my mom took it as a name of strength. No its not suppose to be spelled "Shawntell".

Stages of ages

1 yr - I used to love playing around with pots and pans

2 yr - I used always lose my shoes - When I used to be in a stroller, and my mom wasn't behind it, I used to push myself back and when we was at the stores, i used to hide me and the carriage in the clothes rack

3 yr - I thought I was super man - I tried to read books, coincidentally all philosophical material

4 yr - I superman'd off a dresser and landed on a beer mug - now I have a quarter sized scar on my right leg where the glass penetrated - In PR, my family and I went to a neighbors house and started speaking tongs to my aunt. So my family does Santa-maria, so that should explain the rest of the story - Baptized

5 yr - while taking a bath and as my mom left the bathroom, superman'd off the sink to the tub and banged my head on the knob and whole in my head on the left side for a little while

6 yr - Fell off my bike and got a scar underneath my chin (the hospital loved me). Lived in Germany for the summer with my father, he was in the army.

9 yr - father always kidnapped me, but out of love! just like to put my mom on edge sometimes. so at this year he stopped. he would always take me to my god fathers house in Pennsylvania

10 yr - first fight and lost! dude was like left back twice and bigger. you see how scrawny i am now, imagine then. - I learned how to play a saxophone and in the marching band - my northface jacket stolen, 7 guys, had knives and machetes - lived by Yankee stadium and always went to the games - crashed my grandma's car

11 yr - got in a big street fight, i was ok but my friend at the time got beat with a pole

12 yr - the start of a stable living and schooling. I moved and changed school every 2yrs. Introduced to marijuana - started to smoke MJ and sell, not heavy, smoked cause of a social thing, sold to live comfortably. Hated by many guys in school cause I fell into the "pretty boy" stereotype, contacts, swag at that age, and i was the new guy, i had all the females. The first time i was called gay by a guy who try to draw attention away from me. so obtained a quick girlfriend that lasted 2 weeks to prove difference, but not even that worked. (my personality didn't work either) - learned chess from my father then joined the chess club at school for 1 year.

13 yr - The start of a friendship (who is now my best friend). Taught him the streets, he protected me, made sure no one fucked with me. I was like a small Don - I told my female friend I'm going to change the world through my words and become a philosopher - still in the band as head saxophone player - seen my brother born up close and personal - got 1 ear pierced cause my father did it

14 yr - moved in with my grandma - Right hand man made sure i got into no fights. i made sure we was stood in good standings with people, helped him with his literature, and get the girls etc. obviously he was the fighter i was the lover. - lost one girl i was very infatuated with, and had a great interest in, but i just couldn't get the words out to save my life. if i believed in regrets this would be one, but from this day forth i was never shy ever for the most part - went to prom alone - lost virginity, never seen her again - start H.S (knocked out a year of math, English and science cause was in the #1 smart class in JHS and took H.S courses) - JHS crush moves away - right hand man goes to a a different H.S. - stop selling - the gay rumor followed me

15 yr - move back with ma duks - stop selling - diamond chain got stolen , got jumped by 3 guys - joined the bowling team and in 2 band classes - started a book where people wrote their opinions in. i would have a question in it, pass it in the morning and get it back by random people i know by the end of the day, here i originally determined i want to write a book - Started the graffiti life heavy, i was given the name zues by a Graff friend who said my mind is always above the clouds and i govern everything underneath it like "zues", and the name stuck - first little girlfriend who ended lesbian - started my Otra Noches which was every weekend if not every other weekend religiously - nipple piercing for my bday cause i wanted to be like my father - joined poetry club

16 yr - Father in jail - right hand man and i get into a dispute and stop talking for a while - got jumped - got into a couple fights when it was blacks vs Spanish in H.S (sided with the Spanish) - joined a gang for a while - street fights - beat up some people for my aunt who was younger - this place called "the abyss" in my mind began, did everything alone and by myself unless it was otra notches. This began me not opening up to no one and left everything bottled up - another girl friend that ended up a lesbian - started my orange book, "mi manifesto", the start of writing again heavy - first tattoo - partied hard - read the book the alchemist

17 yr - Got my right hand man back, i never fought again. he said i was soft, and leave the fighting to him, but trust, if i needed to i was there! found out we was in rival gangs, both dropped it - got involved with someone which only lasted a month cause she was still in love with someone else - H.S was easy, last 2 years only had 2 bands, gym, elective English and history - girl i messed with over the summer was bisexual - took my SAT, 95% percentile on math, 36% on English, only a score of 850, avg was 900.

18 yr - prom alone, rented a corvette. showing off doing doughnuts - accepted to JWU cause no SAT required - dumped my 9 month girlfriend who actually had an interest of girls - move in with my sister on my fathers side. get our own apt, etc - friends I'm with now thought i was gay, and that continued - no job first year, grandma took care of me - wrote on a website cause i had no friends - discovered fully the moon and the stars - discovered the beach at night

19 yr - started selling again for comfort - my sister and i got into a big confrontation and don't speak no more - joined Iota Phi Theta Fraternity inc. - second ear pierced - messed around with a girl over the summer whose parents hated me cause i was black and didn't speak spanish.

20 yr - got my second tattoo -had an unofficial GF, had to let her go do to her cheating on me with a girl - lost the writings to my book

21 yr - first strip club - got into a relationship - Neo fever

22 yr - get my first car as a graduation gift - joined Masonry - lost the writings to my book (twice)

23 yr - won step shows and stroll shows all in Florida and Georgia withing 6 months spand

24 yr - lost my GF to stupidity, compulsive lying, and emotional resistance - writing a book again

I call this "Judge the victim" because people always say i play victim and I'm always so defensive. Now i am Here to say yes i do, I'm here to admit that i do get every defensive. i have my personal reasons, but i feel as i have shared just enough right now. As i tear and write this, i can not right my wrongs, nor can go back, and for that i have no choice but to live life with my consequences and choices - now you may Judge me - Judge the victim if you shall...

Cliche Quote - The choices we make dictates the life we lead

Zues Quote - Hide your feelings, hide your fate. Show your feelings, embrace your true Fate.

Relationship 102

Its 102 cause we are beyond 3 months. now this is where the real test begins;

In a relationship, in the beginning we tend to be real cliche on our approach, actions and words because that is what we know. Now that we are past the infatuation phase, its time for sacrifice - give time - learn - act within reason.

Sacrifice - the choice between not giving up, giving up, and limiting. These are the contemplation in which will exist and intertwine. They say love is one of the greatest aspirations in love, so we must aspire that drive of happiness with out losing ourselves on the way. Sacrifice can be considered anything, whether it be people, a habit, etc.

Time - To be in any kind of relationship time is a must. Time waits for no man and it is the grandfather of all. With time you eat, pray, love, heal, cry, experience and learn. As time goes by, whether wasted or not, the art mastering many is upon you, its just accepting the fact that you have the capability of doing so, is just the knowledge you need. with out that, then you become lost and repetitious, and stuck in a time of comfort.

Learn - If you have taken an interest, then this is the most fun and the most hardest thing to do. cause as you learn, there is a trick behind the whole escapade. A wise person once said "there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom - Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is knowing it does not go on a fruit salad". Basically we are given, or obtaining knowledge about an individual. Now is to display our wisdom through our action or words to compliment both yourself and the other person. Appreciate, not agitate I say.

Reason - We have to act within reason and become aware and think before we act and speak. What good is how we react if you have not taken your knowledge and applying it accordingly that converts to wisdom. Ex. When I speak I curse, but it agitates and gets the other person all stirred up. why not choose to not to for that moment and witness a result and not assume one. We have bad habits, and bad habits have us. whether we chose to break them, that's on us!

All in all, Intertwined - We have to LEARN with TIME and SACRIFICE within REASON. *think about it*

Cliche quote: Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.

Zues Quote: Forrester said "its not me that changes, its the neighbourhood that did" - all in all, we must be adaptable and become adaptable to, if not, then maybe you will change...

Sacrifice

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did"

I lost - I won - I defeated - been defeated - been conquered - I conquered
But I never did something I never did I will admit..

Explanation:

We do not accept a lost or regret unless recorded, but we as people have to remember that in order to overcome and obtain, we must sacrifice. Something of greatness always takes a longevity of sacrifice. Whether it be time, money, sleep, people, yourself, etc.

We as people need to step out of our comfort zone and know that you yourself deserves better, and only you yourself, knows what you deserve. Why limit yourself cause you are comfortable where someone has placed you or you are scared to leave? In order to expand your mind, you must expand yourself, in order to expand your self, you must not be limited.

Cliche Quote: “Forgivness is The ultimate sacrifice.Eloquence belongs, To the conqueror.”

Zues Quote: Forgiveness does not have to have much eloquence if its meaningful

Fan is missing

Drake said "what's the point if ur most important fan is missing"

At first I understood but I didn't necessarily felt what he was saying. But now I do! With all the work we put in something that will be shared with everyone but its more on the self accomplishment that will really be the real award. Greatness is best enjoyed when shared with someone special. No offense to the personal close friends. But to have someone besides u on ur arm to have witnessed the sacrifices u had to make in order to make this 1 thing happen, to have someone sacrifice their time to sit their and tell you that's a bad/good idea, for someone to be with u every step of the way, is so much different! And I know u agree.

All I have to say is as you are on your way to greatness, remember 2 things; 1) never undermind the person who is with u from the beginning nor step on them cause they the ones who can knock u down and 2) if you gonna do it. Give it ur all

Cliche quote: laughter is an emotion that is ment to be shared.

Zues quote: if you are not laughing, then who are u really with?

MLK

My further thought for the day:

"We will get to the promise land. Im not fearing no man.(be true what u say on paper). That is not enough.. That is not enough..But i was hungry and u fed me not". By MlK

Are you hungry? I am! If so, then let's get fed... Together.

In the mist of things, one of MLK points was that individually "we are poor", but together we are richer then them white folks who own america. If we dare stand together, work together, "slave together", then and only then we "begin unity".

Then and only then we can all make it "to the mountain top"!!!

Regret

• Hahaaa..ur a mess...i love it tho....umm..lets talk on regret....Y does it take for an error to take place in a relationship for the accuser To catch on wut their partner was trying to say before anything bad happened...can ppl really b Hard-headed...y is it that we MUST fall in order to have no other choice to get back up?...

• In simpler terms the same reason why we touch fire when we are told it will burn... Allot of things we are ignorant to and don't believe until it happens!!! Then when we get burned we learn that we do not enjoy the feeling, so then is when we pry ourselves away from the heat... But some people are hard headed and don't realize there are more then oneway to get burn!!! Some people ignore pain, and some don't want to feel it... Its hard being perfect... it just breaks down to what people can tolerate -stand - accept and can forgive

• Understood n point taKen, But There is a problem with this....why sacrfice when you have something good and you know its good n yet tend to still takeon the risk...why lose the one u love for the one you lust...why lose the your forever in order to get your right now....its jus dumb, but I guess Ican relate n fall victim to this bcuz lust is very hard to neglect at times..

• We are all victim as much as we are the perpetrator... There is not only lust, there I also stupidity... But don't beat urself up for being capable of both sides of the playing field... But at the end of the day u have to remember that we are still human...

• Oh most def...i fall victim but its not bcuz of stupidity n that's wutseparates individuals...u have those who care to neglect bcuz they thinkthat wut they have at the time will never go away; you have those that careto neglect bcuz in order to lose wut they no longer want, they go for aneasier way out n never have to deal wit the relationship again n jus breakup; then you have those you jus don't realize wut you have till its gone nyoure no longer wanted by that person n its too late to get it back n evenif you do get the opportunity to make it work, youll have that couple wherethey just cant move past the situation n its always being brought up to thepoint that eventually it still tends to go thru the breakup route. It isbased on being at fault and being based on stupidity but its mostly based onself evaluation and wut u really wanting to put yuhself thru in life period.

• Touche