I give you want you wanted, to get personal for once so I bring you personal! And for those who thought it was a made up story it wasn't! I'm talking about my last blog "Incarceration - 17hr holding"
Now you may begin to judge
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Shantell: I come home in reflection of 86 - 11, I look in the mirror to vision, a lay to rest, I dream to think, I think to dream.
Zues: came from window shopping, trying on the clothes of what would make the man seem bigger and more important, to make someone with style actually have style, to make money look like money. Came from Ikea to build a dream inside the white walls I live in now, to know where I'm gonna be in hopes this is not, I'm sorry, in knowing this is not gonna last (the lack of that is).
Shantell: I tried on every article of clothing I had in my closet and realized something. I'm not who I used to be, I have grown, I have learned, I have experienced and I have witnessed. I am who I say I am, but I don't look like who I am. My clothes are baggy, my dress attire is plain, I only have clothes fit for business, but now business doesn't only occur in business settings for everything I do is now business.
Zues: I have the swag to talk to the ladies to over look what comes before them. I'm making money to fit my living and my life style (if I continue to be smart as I been doing). I talk business as I own, cause I do, but then again I don't necessarily have to. I know all the right people, its just now connecting these people. Its never how much with me, cause "niggaz wit no money tell me money tell me money isn't everything" - always what are we going to accomplish now that will work for the both of us in the future.
Shantell: I must starve to obtain my needs, but I must be hungry to obtain my wants... Its never the confusion of what I want or need, its the determination and patience I need to obtain these things. I can save - but I get impatient and take out loans from friends to obtain things now. I be stuck in terms of being able to until I fuck up and do something stupid. Note self: Procrastination also bites you in the ass! Hello Kharma!
Zues: I have accomplished the minor and major with in, its all comes down to executing with out. What else do you want?
Zues + Shantell = Accumulative Realization: I am depressed not cause of a chemical imbalance but because my mind has far exceeded my physical capabilities to catch up at the present moment. My attire are not up to par at all, my procrastination, dwelling and lack of motivation has caused me to thousands of dollars within the past year. I never new how much money I really had until I lost it! My room resembles a mental hospital room, lost time and sleep to wake up and lose it all. If you have been following my blogs you will realize that in the past 365 days - all I have been doing was losing, and my earnings was not matching or exceeding my losings... As of today I'm on square 1 again. It feels as if I just came to miami again in 2004.
BACK TO SQUARE ONE!
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Plan of Execution: (S/N: everything I'm about to state was something I learned from someone! I can't even take credit for it)
1) Money will be the main root of obtaining allot of things, especially because I need to invest in myself:
a) You make SAVINGS an EXSPENSE, you make it a mandatory bill you must pay a month! - this is how you begin to save with out thinking about it. Ex. If I don't pay my cell it get cut off. Point blank, don't make savings an option - make it mandatory.
b) I want a new wardrobe, an idea given to me was every 3-4 weeks buy myself 1-2 pieces of article of clothing - this way 1 piece comes in and 1 goes out. I want to replace my clothes, not burden myself with having nothing at all or being broke for doing it all at once
c) (my idea) Exchange your spending into a saving. Say for example your outside and hungry. Instead of buying something to eat outside for $10, knowing that you can eat at home, wait to get home to eat, and take the $10 was gonna spend anyway and save it. And that goes for every little thing. Want to buy a shirt you know u can live with out that's not a necessity, then put that money aside. In the end you will have more money then expected to do bigger and better things.
d) Patience is true virtue
e) dedication is a key
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Judging done I hope - re-evaluation not required!
You want a quote - ill give you one!
Cliché quote: Nike - just do it
Zues quote: I have no quote, I can't tell you what to do, I can't tell you where to go! All I can do is give a universal law of fact that can apply, but you must apply it. So till then I will be waiting!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Incarcerated - 17 hour Holding
The incarceration
Physical: I see the red and blue lights in my rear view mirror and I pull over. I already knew I was going to jail, I just didn't know what for exactly. I texted a friend and let them know I was getting arrested not knowing how long ill be.
in my head: I'm not nervous, I just know I fucked up... Keep calm and it shall be a calm LONG day.
Physical: after taking my license the cops asked me to step out the car, go on my knees, hands behind my head. Asked me "do you know why your going to get locked up?" I told them no, he said that's probably why your so calm.
in my mind: this feeling of cold steel against my skin is not a good feeling. You here on TV and they talk about it, but to experience it is a different feeling. Its like having a block of hot ice squeezing against your skin and the more you move the worst.
Physical: Pulling up my record, License suspended, $10,000 warrant, $1,000 bench warrant, $800 in tickets, and one Pissed off judge.
As we make it to the holding cell before jail. He writes the 3 most important #"s I need at this moment for me. My lawyer, my mom, and my friend, the only person who knows where I sort of am.
In my mind: been in jail twice when I was younger for stupidity of being young and ignorant. I can't be mad at no one but myself yet again. I don't wanna be judged by my peers but I would for them to learn...
Physical: I make it to jail, bare feet touches ground, mug shots taken, personal items vacuumed seal. Hear the doors slam and escorted to my cell
In my mind: I'm no longer a person - I'm a number, but not a good set of numbers. Its not a social, its an ID of being a criminal, a renegade of the law.
Physical: Cold as hell, I stay quiet, waiting to get finger printed and phone call patiently. I tuck my arms in my shirt and find a corner and sleep.
In my mind: how can people be comfortable not knowing time, in a 11 x 12 foot cell, dry bread government cheese sandwich, water down milk, aluminum toilets, chipped paint, this can be the rest of my life, or the beginning of my life.
Physical: I wake to hydrate my self to water that taste like water that's been ran down a dirty wall and caught in a gatorade container.
The CO (short for Correctional officer as the inmates called them) stuffed us in one cell like sardines and started separating us according to conviction.
In my mind: now I think about life and how I'm gonna correct it. How I'm not gonna procrastinate and take matters into my own hand...I start now
Physical: I finally get called for finger printing and my one phone call... But they realized I was in the wrong cell. I was in the felony cell, people locked up for assault and battery against law enforcement, shooting someone, stabbing someone, hiding someone, that's all that I knew. I make my first phone call to my lawyer and he curses me out but he said he will handle it. I make my 2nd phone call to a friend but I couldn't get through. Back to the cell I go.
In my mind: locked up for only 6 hours and it felt like 12 hours. Again not knowing time kills me. Again I am patient and more calm.
Physical: I now return to the right cell and all I can think is how can I pass the time. So again my arms go back in my shirt and I lay on the ice block floor and sleep.
In my mind: I can't say what or what I do not deserve but I do know where I don't want to be and this is here...
Physical: I wake just to realize I only slept for 30 minutes. So now I start talking to people around me and see what everyone is in for.
1) Cops came busting in the door looking for his girl who had a warrant for beating the shit out of someone, and the reason why he in there is cause he had a warrant for his arrest... So took both of them and put the kids in child services
2) Beat the shit out of someone for talking shit about the Miami Heat losing
3) Drinking and driving (18 years old)
In the mind: about my life as a whole! Where I wanna go from here, what do I want to do from here. Who do I want to be and how I'm gonna get there...
Physical: We became close within these hours of non-stop talk and we learned about each other. Another calling for my name, going to see the nurse. That's when I met a super smart guy who knew everything about the court system, or at least sounded like it...
In my mind: in jail it seems anyone can be anybody, anyone can be anything - who really knows when jails confides the truth.
Physical: on my way to see the Video Judge, as I leave one quarters to the next, the guys in the orange Jump Suit called me Trustee for the Lawyer and Bail bonds person I provided them.
In my mind: its funny how knowledge is a key to guidance and bonding people together... No matter the situation or place.
Physical: all the women who went up where basically prostitutes... I went up and seen the judge:
As she pulls up my paper work. She tells me that it shouldn't be hard to fix what I have going on. I told her my personal attorney was not able to make it and she asked who, I told her and she said I'm a real looking man for two reasons. I have a great lawyer on my hands and that's the reason why she is gonna let me go on an R&R and have him get things done for me, and 2) someone came to vouch for me, so I can get of jail today! The camera turned to her and their I saw my knight in a shining armor. Put a smile on my face and I knew that ill be ok. Judge said go home and see u in 2 weeks with everything straightened out.
In my mind: I'm blessed. Never be unappreciative
Physical: Holding cell to get out. From what suppose to be 1 hour took 4 1/2 hours. Again I took another corner and slept. When I woke I just listened to the conversations around me again.
1) One guy said he was going to jail for 2 years, but that's wasn't that long compared to what he did
2) When someone took a shit, someone said that's the smell of liquor and X together...
In my mind: I'm ready to go
Physical: I'm let out and there was her face. I felt like I was locked up for years and she was their waiting... A great excellent friend she is !!! Thank you...
Fyi: lawyer got everything dropped, as of nothing happened... Thank you too
---------------------------------------------------------------
*Deep breath*
Judge if you wish... I'm not perfect, but I work hard and I deserve it. I must go through the bad sometimes in order to recognize the great. I touched fire and got burned, now I will try not to touch it no more.
All in all take responsibility for your OWN actions! Don't procrastinate, and never under appreciate.
That is all!
Physical: I see the red and blue lights in my rear view mirror and I pull over. I already knew I was going to jail, I just didn't know what for exactly. I texted a friend and let them know I was getting arrested not knowing how long ill be.
in my head: I'm not nervous, I just know I fucked up... Keep calm and it shall be a calm LONG day.
Physical: after taking my license the cops asked me to step out the car, go on my knees, hands behind my head. Asked me "do you know why your going to get locked up?" I told them no, he said that's probably why your so calm.
in my mind: this feeling of cold steel against my skin is not a good feeling. You here on TV and they talk about it, but to experience it is a different feeling. Its like having a block of hot ice squeezing against your skin and the more you move the worst.
Physical: Pulling up my record, License suspended, $10,000 warrant, $1,000 bench warrant, $800 in tickets, and one Pissed off judge.
As we make it to the holding cell before jail. He writes the 3 most important #"s I need at this moment for me. My lawyer, my mom, and my friend, the only person who knows where I sort of am.
In my mind: been in jail twice when I was younger for stupidity of being young and ignorant. I can't be mad at no one but myself yet again. I don't wanna be judged by my peers but I would for them to learn...
Physical: I make it to jail, bare feet touches ground, mug shots taken, personal items vacuumed seal. Hear the doors slam and escorted to my cell
In my mind: I'm no longer a person - I'm a number, but not a good set of numbers. Its not a social, its an ID of being a criminal, a renegade of the law.
Physical: Cold as hell, I stay quiet, waiting to get finger printed and phone call patiently. I tuck my arms in my shirt and find a corner and sleep.
In my mind: how can people be comfortable not knowing time, in a 11 x 12 foot cell, dry bread government cheese sandwich, water down milk, aluminum toilets, chipped paint, this can be the rest of my life, or the beginning of my life.
Physical: I wake to hydrate my self to water that taste like water that's been ran down a dirty wall and caught in a gatorade container.
The CO (short for Correctional officer as the inmates called them) stuffed us in one cell like sardines and started separating us according to conviction.
In my mind: now I think about life and how I'm gonna correct it. How I'm not gonna procrastinate and take matters into my own hand...I start now
Physical: I finally get called for finger printing and my one phone call... But they realized I was in the wrong cell. I was in the felony cell, people locked up for assault and battery against law enforcement, shooting someone, stabbing someone, hiding someone, that's all that I knew. I make my first phone call to my lawyer and he curses me out but he said he will handle it. I make my 2nd phone call to a friend but I couldn't get through. Back to the cell I go.
In my mind: locked up for only 6 hours and it felt like 12 hours. Again not knowing time kills me. Again I am patient and more calm.
Physical: I now return to the right cell and all I can think is how can I pass the time. So again my arms go back in my shirt and I lay on the ice block floor and sleep.
In my mind: I can't say what or what I do not deserve but I do know where I don't want to be and this is here...
Physical: I wake just to realize I only slept for 30 minutes. So now I start talking to people around me and see what everyone is in for.
1) Cops came busting in the door looking for his girl who had a warrant for beating the shit out of someone, and the reason why he in there is cause he had a warrant for his arrest... So took both of them and put the kids in child services
2) Beat the shit out of someone for talking shit about the Miami Heat losing
3) Drinking and driving (18 years old)
In the mind: about my life as a whole! Where I wanna go from here, what do I want to do from here. Who do I want to be and how I'm gonna get there...
Physical: We became close within these hours of non-stop talk and we learned about each other. Another calling for my name, going to see the nurse. That's when I met a super smart guy who knew everything about the court system, or at least sounded like it...
In my mind: in jail it seems anyone can be anybody, anyone can be anything - who really knows when jails confides the truth.
Physical: on my way to see the Video Judge, as I leave one quarters to the next, the guys in the orange Jump Suit called me Trustee for the Lawyer and Bail bonds person I provided them.
In my mind: its funny how knowledge is a key to guidance and bonding people together... No matter the situation or place.
Physical: all the women who went up where basically prostitutes... I went up and seen the judge:
As she pulls up my paper work. She tells me that it shouldn't be hard to fix what I have going on. I told her my personal attorney was not able to make it and she asked who, I told her and she said I'm a real looking man for two reasons. I have a great lawyer on my hands and that's the reason why she is gonna let me go on an R&R and have him get things done for me, and 2) someone came to vouch for me, so I can get of jail today! The camera turned to her and their I saw my knight in a shining armor. Put a smile on my face and I knew that ill be ok. Judge said go home and see u in 2 weeks with everything straightened out.
In my mind: I'm blessed. Never be unappreciative
Physical: Holding cell to get out. From what suppose to be 1 hour took 4 1/2 hours. Again I took another corner and slept. When I woke I just listened to the conversations around me again.
1) One guy said he was going to jail for 2 years, but that's wasn't that long compared to what he did
2) When someone took a shit, someone said that's the smell of liquor and X together...
In my mind: I'm ready to go
Physical: I'm let out and there was her face. I felt like I was locked up for years and she was their waiting... A great excellent friend she is !!! Thank you...
Fyi: lawyer got everything dropped, as of nothing happened... Thank you too
---------------------------------------------------------------
*Deep breath*
Judge if you wish... I'm not perfect, but I work hard and I deserve it. I must go through the bad sometimes in order to recognize the great. I touched fire and got burned, now I will try not to touch it no more.
All in all take responsibility for your OWN actions! Don't procrastinate, and never under appreciate.
That is all!
Monday, June 13, 2011
''Good Bye" ( Hi-at-us )
A friend said "The Rest Of Your Life Starts With GOODBYE"
*Thoughts going - juices flowing
Things don't change... We change our way of looking at things (our perception as she would say)... that is all... we mature & see that, that our dreams can be our reality if we put our mind to succeed... But in the position of darkness and the position of failure is when we can recognize the true bitter sweet taste of victory, success or what ever your mind believes to call it at the time...
Some of us cannot say goodbye - some of us just turn our backs and walk away. My reasons to why I think this is not good is because we tend to leave an open chapter in our book that stays unfinished... Anything that stays unwritten is an open ended answer which everyone is entitled to an opinion too.
"The notebook" was an example of an unfinished chapter... To much of an unknown leaves to much of a curiosity... To much of a curiosity leads people to explore... Exploring leaves us faceless... Faceless leaves us emotionless or emotionfull... Whether to have taken an action or taken no action its still an action. Think about it?
Nothings perfect but we have to make life worth it. Especially cause while someone else is getting there's they sure as hell is not worry about you getting yours...
All in all - face your fears and say goodbye, but mean it!
Cliche quote: "You know that you are in love when the hardest thing to do is say good-bye!!"
Zues quote: "Goodbye" has become a "Fear" we must face.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Real important side note:
I'm coming back from my Hiatus! And I thought I start back my blogs from where I left off - with a "goodbye" (take it into your own perspective). Hiatus - A world in which we can all escape from everybody! If you are reading this I really appreciate you for following me! I had to get my life together before I fell on the edge of a cliff... I was dealing with allot of internal and external issues in which I will share with you if you wish to learn. One thing I learned is that I was to impersonal with my readers, now this author will become a little more personal...
So I hope you are enjoying my reading! And I will start sending TOD, Quotes, and blogs! Every Monday (blogs) and other thoughts randomly!
Click the "Read" down below! And don't forget! My book coming soon!!!
Shantell "ZUES" WILSON out!
*Thoughts going - juices flowing
Things don't change... We change our way of looking at things (our perception as she would say)... that is all... we mature & see that, that our dreams can be our reality if we put our mind to succeed... But in the position of darkness and the position of failure is when we can recognize the true bitter sweet taste of victory, success or what ever your mind believes to call it at the time...
Some of us cannot say goodbye - some of us just turn our backs and walk away. My reasons to why I think this is not good is because we tend to leave an open chapter in our book that stays unfinished... Anything that stays unwritten is an open ended answer which everyone is entitled to an opinion too.
"The notebook" was an example of an unfinished chapter... To much of an unknown leaves to much of a curiosity... To much of a curiosity leads people to explore... Exploring leaves us faceless... Faceless leaves us emotionless or emotionfull... Whether to have taken an action or taken no action its still an action. Think about it?
Nothings perfect but we have to make life worth it. Especially cause while someone else is getting there's they sure as hell is not worry about you getting yours...
All in all - face your fears and say goodbye, but mean it!
Cliche quote: "You know that you are in love when the hardest thing to do is say good-bye!!"
Zues quote: "Goodbye" has become a "Fear" we must face.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Real important side note:
I'm coming back from my Hiatus! And I thought I start back my blogs from where I left off - with a "goodbye" (take it into your own perspective). Hiatus - A world in which we can all escape from everybody! If you are reading this I really appreciate you for following me! I had to get my life together before I fell on the edge of a cliff... I was dealing with allot of internal and external issues in which I will share with you if you wish to learn. One thing I learned is that I was to impersonal with my readers, now this author will become a little more personal...
So I hope you are enjoying my reading! And I will start sending TOD, Quotes, and blogs! Every Monday (blogs) and other thoughts randomly!
Click the "Read" down below! And don't forget! My book coming soon!!!
Shantell "ZUES" WILSON out!
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